Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
