so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
