I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize