I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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