i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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