She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
