i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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