i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
