I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
