This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
