listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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