i may or may not be watching the land before time
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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