the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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