I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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