Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
