Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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