mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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