Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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