Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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