We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
