If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize