If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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