Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
