if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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