And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
