Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
