brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
