My liver just broke up with me...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
