for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
