I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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