have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
