either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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