I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
