dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
