I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
