what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
