I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
