We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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