yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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