you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
