My liver just broke up with me...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
