you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
