he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pants are for mortals
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
