you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
