I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
