I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize