We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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