Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
