Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
