I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found puke in my bra..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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