I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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