Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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