i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
