He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
