You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
