i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
then he tried to convert me to islam
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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