My liver just broke up with me...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
