the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
