grandma shit on top of the toilet
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Randomize
