regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
