I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
