Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize