The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
