She is in my trunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
