He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
