I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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