Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize