so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
