I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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