I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
