and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
