The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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