He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
