I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize