"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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