when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
