mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
