i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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