yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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