what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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